Official 
Sexy Vixen Clan Home Page
Created February 10, 2010
Creator/Founder : Annie McVixen
"The day has come! Hello, my name is Annie and I am the Sexy 
Vixen Clan President!"
This website is designed to help other vixens who need assistance with their dating lives. I have written a manual called The Sexy Vixen Clan Handbook and it is in my greatest hopes that one day you'll be holding a copy of the glorious know-how in the palm of your hands! I am currently looking into publishing, but want to do it right. The information in my book is no joke and I'll see to it that everything is carried out in a timely fashion!
You're probably wondering what a sexy vixen is. A SV is a woman with extraordinary amounts of sex appeal, class and stock value. She knows she is beautiful and amazing and wants to apply this reality from here on out. Dating men in this day and age is relentless, mainly due to the lack of potential male suitors for us vixens to choose from. Now that this truth-be-known is spoken aloud, we can now conquer the most hurdling venture of all: Finding a male suitor who is worthy of dating us and make him our very own.
I have called upon my cousin, Laura to help me in this awakening process. She will be mentioned frequently in my book, The Sexy Vixen Clan Handbook , and also on this website because she is an significant part of my life and to the creation of the concept that is...SVC. I urge you to listen, learn and do.
The reason we created this Clan was to spread our vast philosophies to all corners of the globe. Our mission statement is founded on the forefront of sisterhood and it is through our collaboration of power and authority as the SVC that we can all lead happier and more prosperous lives. In no way shape or form is any of the information on this esteemed website to be misconstrued or manipulated into something it is not. It's intended to be positive and helpful, not chastising or damaging. It leans toward more of an adult audience, so under-agers need to boot scoot and boogie right off this site and go visit the Disney Channel website or whatever you kids are interested in these days!
I'd like to take this opportunity to say a couple of 'thank you's.' First and foremost, I'd like to thank Chelsea Handler for being f-ing hilarious. If it weren't for her, I'd be watching re-runs of Fresh Prince or Roseanne during my late night hours. Also, I aspire to be like her, a writer who grasps the attention of everyone from Jenny McCarthy to J-Wow on the Jersey Shore. (Side note: both of these women are not official sexy vixens and I'm willing to bet that the later of the two women would be rejected from admission) Second 'thanks' goes out to my parents who bore me. If it weren't for you, mom and dad, for having an 'accident,' none of this greatness would be happening. The last 'thanks' goes out to Laura. You are an angel sent down from the heavens to be my best friend. I'm not sure how I got so lucky, but clearly I was busy volunteering in homeless shelters and orphanages in a past life. Moving along...
The Sexy Vixen Clan is an esteemed association, created by yours truly. I hope you listen to my stories, learn from them and do what I have instructed. It shall only be then that I have succeeded in my duties as your SVC President. I will leave you with the divine words of your Vice-President Laura, "Sexiness is your best quality."
Annie's contact info: ms.annieh@yahoo.com
From the chapter entitled When You've Hooked a Fish and Want to Know if it's Worth Gutting:
"The life of a fisherman is grueling, cold and lonely. Well, so can be said for being single. ‘Grueling’ in the sense that the maintenance of staying in shape, keeping up with the newest trends and always being ‘on-point’ requires sexy vixen will power and stamina. Luckily for vixens, being single is more of a choice than a conundrum. Being ‘un-attached’ is also cold in that when one is sleeping alone they are clearly lacking another’s body warmth. Again, for vixens, sleeping alone is yet another choice. As it will be known that at any given point in time there are ten to eighteen make specimens willing to slumber in our under layers. And lastly, being unclaimed can possess lonely properties. There just happens to be some instances where only a boyfriend could soothe or calm our nerves. And when I say ‘soothe,’ I am mainly referring to slaying the dragon."
From the chapter entitled The Truth Behind Dumpage:
"The true person within the monster who deceived you can react in two differentiating ways post dumpage. The first stage, the instantaneous slutbag phase is where he will venture out with optimistic hopes. He’ll take his frail shell of an existence and place it in many a bed belonging to slizzies of all shapes and sizes. To this, you shall not concern yourself. You could be wondering, “Is he really over me? Does he actually dig ‘that’ type of woman/mammoth? Should I be offended or disturbed as to how I could have overseen his vile behaviors?”
The answer to these questions is simply no. Men use other female specimens to regain self-assurance that they did not just screw over their entire lives. As you will see, it will surely back fire and they realize…yes I actually did screw over my life. This occurs as the heavy layer of fog and drunken haze removes itself from their eyes and they see for themselves that indeed they have been kicking it with some serious scoundrels. They begin to notice the hizzies apparent net worth of zero, and skip into retrograde as they remember days spent with their very own vixen, one in whom certainly by now does not remember them."
From the chapter entitled The Red Flag Factory:
"The last example of Hubris is a male who methodically schmoozes with people who don’t matter. If you and your male suitor go out on a weekend night and you spend the greater part of the evening as his arm candy while he pursues expanding his social standings with other douchebags schmoozers, I highly suggest a tuck and run. There are so many things wrong with this scenario. First, he doesn’t really care about your feelings because if he did he’d quickly notice that you are extremely bored and un-stimulated. Secondly, he doesn’t really like you. If a male suitor liked you, he’s make it a point to impress you. If he thinks showing you how many people he knows is impressive then he is doing himself a huge disservice. Everyone knows a sexy vixen isn’t impressed with quantity, for it is quality that matters. Unless of course we are evaluating his liquid assets, in which case quantity is preferable. And lastly, schmoozing with random people shows a disturbing lack on his part in the confidence department. People who have to, in a sense, prove that they are well liked probably sincerely dislike themselves. Here lies alarmingly deep- rooted issues, one’s he’ll have to take up with a shrink, not a sexy vixen."
"Never willing to accept or make future plans. This one is on the top of my list of the most aggravating imperfections of a male suitor. Plain and simple it means he is skeptical of tying down plans with you in fear that later on something or someone else will sound more appealing. Even with several bouts of field research, I cannot pin down a plausibly sane reason for this horrid tendency of a vixen male suitor. If you find yourself hanging out a lot with a special male specimen who starts issuing signs of hesitancy in securing future plans with you, do take great offense. It means he doesn’t value you as much as he should and he’s not that interested in maintaining his position with you as you had once thought. As offensive and dumbfounding as this feels, do not overly stress your pretty little head. These lads typically have lower IQ’s than we originally thought and tend to possess lower amounts of self worth than we usually require in a male suitor. Just go ahead and move along."
From the chapter What You Are That Everyone Else is Not:
"As you can see and hopefully cognitively understand, you are not a sexy vixen for no reason. SVC=Sexy Vixen Clan. You are sexy because you attain highly desired physical attributes that other females do not possess or do have but in a peculiar and disorganized mess. You are a vixen because you use your intelligence and wit to command such things as a male’s attention/affection, job title/positions and unearthly amounts of cash flow/liquid assets that can only positively affect you and your own. And lastly you are a part of a clan in that you have other people around you who can relate to your daily rituals and daily assaults by ways of other people who intimately dislike you and would like to see to your graceful demise."
From the chapter How To Squash An Unsolicited Pest: A Guide to a Hizzie's Demise:
"Not only do these chicken heads fear us, but they are insanely envious of our clean, uninhabited pores and our outlandish good looks. In order for them to feel of minimal worth, they indulge in wearing tons of makeup. You can recognize this tendency when you see one up close. They may look good from afar, but they are far from looking good. A couple cues in spotting a hizzy on your very own would be to pay particular attention to their eyes and necks. Their eye lashes will look similar to that of a black widow spider due to their manic compulsion for several layers of mascara and their necks will most likely be of a mild shade of orange. Need we remember that when in a physical space with one of these breeds, do not fear them for they are only looking up to and trying to model yourself. They may stare because of the disbelief that you have little to no orange caked on makeup, but they should stay a fair distance from you, as to not look completely ridiculous."
From the event protocols, entitled New Years Eve:
"Ringing in the New Year is no laughing matter. It sets the tone for the next 365 days of your life. It is suppose to be a joyous and gay event, so unsurprisingly that entails some guidelines. Typically one would see a fancy dress, a crowded bar and confetti, need I mention copious amounts of alcohol, but that is incomparable to one very important detail….your date. Obviously as vixens we want to look smashing, but we soon feel saddened when we realize that we have no date to look smashing for. We focus on hair styles, dresses, tans and makeup only to become conscious of the fact we are driving our own asses to the party."
From the letters & briefs, entitled "Dear, Mr. Too-Hot-To-Trot":
"As I too fell victim of those intoxicatedly delicious liquor concoctions that I mainly swigged to thwart my attention off your annoying friends, I found myself entranced by your ways. I smiled inside when you flirted with the bartender in front of me and boasted of your financial status and whirlwind adventures of lust and decadence. To have assumed you might be on your best behavior for our first date was thoroughly my fault, as I usually lay awake at night delusional, hoping one day I would meet a man with proper decorum."
SHOUT OUTS, YO!
Chelsea Lately, featuring my idol Chelsea Handler
My SVC Vice-President, Laura
Skyy Vodka, SVC drink of choice!
Jake Foster Photography
Picmonkey.com
Hollingsworth Plumbing, Inc....the best plumbers in the real O.C. (a.k.a.Oregon City, Oregon. The Oregon Trail's last stop)
Mott's Carpet Cleaning, the hottest carpet guys in town! (Sup B!)
Teacher's Union, thanks for putting up with all the bullshit that are teens with oncoming puberty and raging hormone changes
The Pony & Poodle Show, coming to TV sets near you!
Vancouver Firefighters, thank you Uncle Mike and Uncle Matt!
The White Trash Summer Bash crew, you know who you are!
The Owls Nest (a.k.a. The Cougar Den) in Bend, OR
Beaverton Police, the records department! woot woo Katie B!
Kristin P, the number #1 Golden Girls fan!
Troon Winery, Southern, OR
Oregon State University, for instilling me with countless knowledge
My future desired sponsors:
...The Official Sexy Vixen Clan Website and Headquarters...
Coming soon!
*Photo Gallery Pics: located in the SVC Photo Gallery
Soon buy my book online...and much, much more!
Stay tuned poodles!
Her up and coming book Teaching Old Dogs New Tricks &Taming the Animal Within (An educational resource and self-actualization guide) to be released 2011/2012 with guest chapters from yours truly!
